Things happen for a reason...

Doesn't that phrase just bug you sometimes? GRRRR!

*Pretty flower to make you happy*

So. . . in January we found out we were pregnant. It was so exciting for us since we haven't prevented getting preggo since Sam was 9 months old. Well anyway, on Thursday January 28th I started bleeding but that night we were getting on a plane for Florida so there was little I could do about it.
Now, I tend to be a little on the pessimistic side (that is my defense mechanism), so I wasn't very hopeful, until I talked with Kristie-who came with us on the trip. She said she bled with all of her pregnancies and everything was fine. I was a little more hopeful after that, but still worried. Anyway, I made the most of our vacation and when we got back I went in to the doctors office for an ultrasound.
There was nothing in there! Not even a sign that a little spirit had even tried to make it's way into this world. It was hard and frustrating, and I 'll be honest. . .I cursed myself for getting my hopes up--even a little.
That being said-There had been a lot of questions going on between Brandon and I. The main one being "Should I get another Laparoscopic Surgery to see if I have endometriosis?" We have gone back and forth on this for quite some time because Intermountain Medical Center is not in our preferred network of hospitals for our insurance. BLAH!
Well, getting pregnant has kind of ruled out endometriosis, and the Doctor said "Insurance issues or not, getting preggo is a great sign and I don't think you need the surgery." Whew! He also said that nothing I did caused the miscarriage, it was what they call a Blighted Ovum-(a fertilized egg that attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop).
Anyway, you might be wondering why am I telling you all of this. Because as much as we hate that phrase "Things happen for a reason" they really do. At this exact moment I haven't figured out what those reasons are (besides knowing I don't need the surgery), but I know in time it'll come, and I'll know why we had to go through this (just like the last two).
I LOVE hearing when women are pregnant because I have come to realize what a miracle it really is. I have two amazing kids who are the lights of my life, and if they are the only two I ever have then I consider myself lucky! So many women out there have to go through worse heartache than what I just did, and my thoughts turn to them when I'm throwing myself a pity party!
To all you Mamas out there who I stalk or vis/versa, I hope you know that I love sharing with you, reading about the adventures you're having, and yes . . . even the heartache you are going through. It's nice to have friends to talk too, or in this case write to. Thanks for letting me get out my crazy rantings and ravings and for just being around to listen, or read.


Kreg and Anna said...

Oh Michelle I am so sorry you have gone through this. I know from experience how you are feeling and it is hard. But what is even harder is being patient and relying on the Lord and HIS plan for us. While it may be hard it- in the end is so rewarding. I think you have a great optomistic attitude toward your trial and I hope that you get what it is that will make you the most happy very soon!

Stuart and Sarah said...

Love you Michelle! (and Brandon)
You are in our thoughts always!